500 Words, Day 23 -- The Twitter

So I’m taking another stab at The Twitter.   (Follow me!  @KlonnieChron!  Well, no, there’s no exclamation point, it’s just @KlonnieChron with no punctuation or anything.  A Twitter handle, that’s what it’s called right?  Username?  I don’t even know.)   Anyway, Twitter is even more like high school than Facebook, if that’s possible.  Facebook is the cafeteria, but Twitter is the hallway, where people sidle insidiously up and down the halls, muttering to those who pass.   Some random sumpin sumpin, some little quip, something pithy and relatable.  But make it quick.  You only get 140 characters.    You either repeat what you heard verbatim and get a pat on the head, or embellish it, or mock it, or simply outright steal it for your own.  I don’t know what happens then.  Probably you get chased into the bathroom and they blow smoke in your face or something.  #jerks  

I don’t understand how to control my Twitter feed.  I don’t know how I ended up following 600 people.  I must have gone on a Following Rampage in some kind of fugue state at some point. Like in Monopoly when I was a kid.  Land on it, buy it.   What is this, Baltic Avenue?  I’ll buy it.  Same thing with Twitter.  Neil Patrick Harris?  Fuck and yes.  Boom, following.  What do you mean, it’s not really Neil Patrick Harris?  That’s his photo.  RIGHT THERE.   #what

But even weirder is 900 people follow me.  How did THAT happen?   It’s like finding mysterious bruises after Girls’ Night Out.    Hmmm.  Here’s a clue -- for a while I had my Facebook page set up to Tweet whatever I posted on the page.  If the post was longer than 140 characters (um, hello, do you, like, know me at all?), there would be a link to the page to continue.   I wasn’t even paying attention to Twitter but I figured if I’m going to be shouting nonsense to strangers, I should make sure to shout it on every possible stage.   #narcissist

Here’s another thing about Twitter.  It’s like double dutch jump rope where you have to wait and watch for the perfect time to jump in but don’t wait too long or you’ll lose the moment, you know?  If you miss your window,  you’ll end up feeling the way you do when people are shout-talking to one another to be heard over really loud music that ends abruptly and so they’re just shouting into silence which is AWK-ward.   A friend told me.  And that really IS like high school and the rest of life, because with the spoken word and to some extent the written word, timing is basically everything.   #trustmeiknowthings

So the bitch of it is, there’s no “edit” in Twitter.  It’s “tweet or delete,” my friends, and if that isn’t some buzzkilling anxiety provocation right there, then I don’t know what.   I already tweeted something kind of brill, but there’s a typo in it and I can’t decide whether to delete and start over or let it stand.  It’s probably going to keep me up very late tonight agonizing over it.   #surprise  People have “favorited” this tweet already, so how are they going to feel if I delete it?  I guess I don’t like that “favorite-ing” nonsense, anyway.  I mean, I like it but it’s not my favorite, yanno?   #hyperbole

This shit is hard.   #500WordsADay  @KaleAndCigarettes which isn’t a Twitter handle username thingy so IDK what will happen if you try to search it.  But @KlonnieChron though.  #yeah 

#sonofa . . .