Friday, May 22, 2015

500 Words, Day 2 -- Missing Person's Report

Troubled left her Facebook up when she went to the bar, and I didn't log her out.  I am a horrible person.  But I'm a rabid mother, wrathful and indignant, searching for validation even as I recoil with horror from the notion that I'm right about what's been going on.   I read every single PM.  I take screen shots of the conversation with Juvie, the one where he's seems rather indifferent, almost accepting, of her insinuations that he hit her.  Where she seems almost apologetic about mentioning it.  She loves this monster, she is desperate to keep him in her life, despite or maybe because of his reluctance to stay.   

While I'm at it, I PM that guy from Google.  I thought she was lying when she told me he walked her home at 4 in the morning the last time she went AWOL.  I told her I would lock the doors at 2 a.m  and if she wasn't home by then, she'd be out until I left for work the next day.  But she would show up at 4 or 5 and I would let her in because I am conflicted and inconsistent and back-sliding, just like my now-ex-husband-finally.  I read the conversation that they'd been having, she and the guy from Google, and it was clear that she hadn't been lying.  Turns out he's my age, married.    I send him a message from her account:  "Hi, this is Troubled's mom, she's ill, she's struggling, we are trying to help her, if she contacts you, please let me know."

Twelve hours later I check back.  He deleted his account.  As it should be.

Idea:  Write a vignette about texting with potential OkCupid suitors while I wait for the shrink she loathes to finish lecturing her on mindfulness and a healthy lifestyle. That was fun.   Do I have latent hostility?  Make that blatant hostility.  That'll be another 500 words and then some.  Oh yes.

Write about having to cancel a promising first date to make the 6 pm appointment with that same sanctimonious shrink, an appointment she will probably miss because she's AWOL again.  She took off a couple of hours after I dropped her off this morning.  "Is it too early to file a missing person's report?" I ask my ex.  He wrings his ineffective hands, surreptitiously does a shot behind the liquor cabinet door (oh please), and heads to bed.  I get my phone and hit the button titled "non-911 police."  I explain to the dispatcher what's going on.  I give all the pertinent details.  Automatically, almost by rote.  Yes, I'll be up when the officers get here.  Yes, a recent photo.  Okay, thank you.

That was 45 minutes ago.  Now it's just after midnight and I'm getting sleepy.  I would like to take my own head meds and go to bed, but I keep myself awake at the dining room table.  I have to keep it together because, let's be honest, the common wisdom is that the madness inside my head is the same madness that caused the clusterfuck that now swirls around us all.

So done.  So done with this nonsense.  So, so done.

@Kale and Cigarettes #500WordsADay

1 comment:

  1. Common wisdom, like common sense is neither common nor always relevant. You are love. Thanks for sharing. Sending you good vibes, love and light, and all that other feel-good mumbo jumbo. Couldn't hurt....xoxoxo