Hey there. Been AFK for a few months now. I had to take a break to process (whatever that means) the events leading up to and away from the death of the illustrious Mr. K. I haven’t had the - well, get out the thesaurus - strength? Energy? Tenacity? Will? Enthusiasm? I. Simply. Could. Not. Each day ideas would occur to me, themes I should write about, memories, stories, jokes, even. This is great material, I really need to make the most of this, I would think. But maybe tomorrow, or next week, or after tax season.
“After all, I’ve suffered an enormous loss,” I said aloud to no one, as I installed myself in front of the tv with a Greyhound in one hand and a vape pen in the other. “I really can’t be expected to do more than the bare minimum. I need to take care of myself first.”
Yeah, that’s been working pretty well for three months. I think it’s time to start writing, or at least typing again.
I took down the Facebook page but I think I’ll bring it back up and see if anyone’s around. “I can’t believe you’re not posting,” said an IRL friend (yes, I do have a few). “There are so many people out there who follow you, they’re going to wonder what’s up. You really have to write something for them.”
Great. Now on top of everything else, I have to worry about you lot. Kidding. I don’t. But I think about you. I want you to know everything’s okay with me. It’s intense. It’s painful. It’s definitely a struggle. A *journey* <gag> But it’s okay.
My ex died from drinking just like I said he would when I left him because he didn’t believe me and wouldn’t stop. Ain’t that a kick? Everything just like I predicted. I was finally proven right, after years of being alternately mocked and ignored. How do you say, “I told you so” to a dead man? I mean, is it before or after, “I miss you, you sonofabitch, and I didn’t know I would”?
So. Lots of ground to cover. All the feelings. All the things. My plan is to write snippets and post them once in a while, with an eye towards wrapping it all up in some kind of publication someday. But for now, really, it’s been a whole 30 minutes I’ve been sitting at this keyboard. I deserve a break. Now, where’d I put the grapefruit juice?
damn, kid, I think I see the trickle of a brilliant memoir/novel. too soon? we do all miss you so take your time.
ReplyDeleteGirlfriend. No words. But sending you lots of love.
ReplyDeleteYou do you and we'll be here when you need us.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you've got this...whatever you want your 'this' to be.
I am glad you are back, even if it is a few snippets. I lost my mother January 28th and i can tell you,(as you already know), life is a blur filled with emotions. You do you, and check on us when you are ready. We'll be here.
ReplyDeleteHave definitely missed you. Aaaaand am glad you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. We’re here. Thinking about you too. Awaiting your return as we navigating our own personal shit shows. ��
ReplyDeleteMissed ya, Klonnie
ReplyDeleteDarling, we know you well enough that while we've been desperately missing your beautiful, snarky ass,we knew SOMETHING was consuming you. What a fucked up mess of emotions you've endured! We're here for ya! Glad you're back!
ReplyDeleteYour reaction and feelings are valid & spot on. Nothing wrong with processing right now because it's A LOT that's flooding your brain, which effects the rest of you. (Heart, body & soul) Take care of you.💕💕
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to see you post again... And I respect your absence due to the events that have taken place. I jave lost a few past lovers, bit I didnt marry or have kids with them, so their deaths were just a snap reminder of mortality and nostalgia. Come back and see us again when you are ready ❤❤❤
ReplyDelete🤗🤗🤗🤗 Missed you hon. Lots of big hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the update. I'm glad you are okay. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI've thought about you quite a lot. I'm sorry, but not surprised about Mr. K. It's not the kind of "told you so" that brings any kind of satisfaction. I've had to get real with facing my alcoholism in order to get my life back. Take care.
ReplyDeleteYou might not believe it, but I was just thinking about you the other day. I was wondering what you were up to and hoping that you and the kid were doing well.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the update.
Oh, Klonnie. We knew it was a biggie. Take care of you. I was right too, and spent time yelling at his grave. Do what you gotta do, honey. In your time.
ReplyDeleteWow. It sucks to be right.
ReplyDelete