Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Namaste, New Year

If you've been reading my blog, you will know that . . . .

[Ed. Note:  God, I hate blogs that start out that way.  So much wrong with that.  It's like the vaguely passive-aggressive Facebook status intended to sound the alarm to friends and neighbors that SOMETHING IS WRONG!  But what it is, only certain traders very close to the inside will recognize or understand.  The rest of you can just wait at the door for details.  Even better, form a group to speculate.  Don't forget to start rumors.

Also, "If you've been reading my blog, you will know that . . . ." implies that many people don't read the blog but show up from time to time and want to know what the fuck is going on.  And while that's annoying, that's not what it means, either.

Seriously, all I mean is that I have been writing about some difficult issues in my life (for a change - lol).  And I have another installment of the story to share.  If you want to flip back a few months to catch up, we'll wait.  But if not, it's all good.]

If you've been reading my blog, you will know that I am working on solving two serious and interconnected problems  in my family at the moment.  Mr. K.'s drinking, a chronic problem, has escalated again, testing my courage and strength.  Is this the time I stand up and demand action?  Insist on change?  Give no quarter?  Stay tuned.

The other problem is that my daughter Troubled's journey of self-discovery has stalled in a very sketch part of town.  Her boyfriend, "The Juvie," is a three-time offender who has aged out of the foster care system and into my home.  While Troubled works and goes to school, The Juvie does nothing except deal pot out of a mini-fridge he has installed in Troubled's room.  The situation that began over five months ago with "Please, Mom, can he stay here for a few days while he finds a place to live?" has devolved, as all situations will if left unaddressed, to "I want him out by New Year's or I am calling the cops."

As a reader commented recently on Facebook:  "This used to be a fun page until you went all Maury Povich."


Since I last wrote, I laid down the law on a few matters.  I would leave and take our son, The Gamer, with me if any of the following conditions weren't met.

1.  Mr. K. was to remain sober.
2.  Troubled was not to get high or to come home high. 
3.  The Juvie was not to remain in our home overnight.  

Mr. K. had already learned that I was serious about this.   The Gamer and I had overnight bags stored in my car.  I had only broken them out once, but it had gotten his attention.  

Yesterday, I got up and saw that Condition No. 3 had not been met, so I left immediately to stay at Galpal's, an unbelievably supportive friend, one of the scant handful I have IRL.  I let Mr. K.  know that I would come home when The Juvie was gone.  For good.

Mr. K. texted me yesterday afternoon to say that Troubled and The Juvie were packing up.  My other daughter,  PreMed, gave me the status when she got home.  Troubled left with The Juvie, but a lot of her clothes are still here.  I take that as a good sign.  I hope she'll be back often.  We have tuition to pay, books and software and school supplies to buy.  If she thinks we are giving up on her, she is sadly mistaken.  

I'm sitting here with the lock guy rekeying the locks.  Troubled can have a new key. We will take it back, though, if we discover that The Juvie or any of his loser friends, family, or *customers* (fml) have been in the house when we weren't there. 

So yeah.  We did it.  Troubled will say that we kicked her out, but we all know better.  We kicked him out and she chose to join him.  All in all, a devastatingly difficult week. But major progress.  

That's what happened.  Those are the objective details.   But here's what's really happening.  My heart is heavy.  My stomach is in knots.  A rocky relationship with Troubled is broken, possibly beyond repair.  But I have my house back and a little of my self-respect back and now I can turn my attention to other problems that have to be addressed.  For example, my marriage.   I'm lightening up on Mr. K. for now. This was huge, and he is taking it hard. I'm not going to press on the drinking for a little while, at least. He didn't drink yesterday that I know of. But it is not my job to know.  One thing at a time.  Now where did I put that link to the Al-Anon schedule?

Listen up.  You'll want to get a hanky for this next part, if you don't have one already.  (If you're anything like me, you probably always have one stuffed up your sleeve like that old lady piano teacher you used to admire, fear and loathe all in the same feeling.)  Anyway.  Thing is.  Point being.  Some severely difficult and ridiculously challenging things happened around here this year.  And I really couldn't have done it without you.  People say that all the time.  But I really do believe it's true.  Without this space to work through everything and check it out with you and get your validation and support, I really don't think I would have had the courage to make any of these changes.      

So with that, I'll close, as I often do, with "Namaste."  Namaste, Nutjobs.  Namaste, Troubled.  Namaste, Mr. K, and Gamer, and PreMed.  

Namaste, New Year.  Take that.  Hiiiii-yah!  <drops mic>


  1. I'm glad you have a place to vent. I'm having issues with my princess and the hillbilly here. She's in college too. Same shit just little different story. It does help to know we are not alone. Seriously where do these loser guys come from?

    1. They come from equally frustrated mothers. Ahem.

  2. Takes a lot to tough love. I was married for 19 yrs to a man whom I still love. Even with 8 affairs and alcoholism. He refused to stop either one and I had to go for my own sanity. Divorce was final this past Aug. He lives with her and calls me frequently to tell me he is sorry and loves me and will never stop trying for me. Even though I have told him many times that he needs to let me go. Stick to your guns and good luck. Happy 2013!

  3. You're blogging my life. Laughs are awesome, but not required for my support. I feel great affection for you Klonnie. Your strength in the face of challenge is inspiring, and the fact you're not perfect seals the deal. Much respect. Namaste, bitches. -Susan Bradbury

  4. Namaskar, may your new year be filled with new experiences, define wisdom, and interesting encounters as you travel down the Life river.

  5. As a young mother, women like YOU are who I look up to. You're doing a swell job of handling these issues.

  6. You made a wonderfully strong decision to save your family from the destruction that would have been caused by the dealer... The elements he would have introduced to your home would have gotten progressively worse and very well could have been violent and even deadly. Eventually, Troubled will see that, be it now or two decades from now when she is dealing with it in her own life. Bottom line, you did what was right for your family. The bonds of family will prove stronger in the long run for her than her fleeting feelings for this idiot, and when she sees him for who he really is she'll get that you had to protect your family from him. But even if she doesn't, even if she never comes back from this, you HAD to act to protect the ones you love. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but in the end, you'll be proven right for protecting your family. Keep going, and keep making the right decisions, hard as they may be. Much love.

    BaltoBluesMan, aka Spence Bleeds Maroon

  7. What Ambelina said..
    Hang in there, Miss Klonnie - you're doin' good (I lived in Texas for a while - still speak it a little). Way to not enable!

  8. I love your blog. I feel you and not in a gay way. Just a human way. Although... if I were gay, I'd prolly go for the insane mom lady. She's so fucking funny.

    I say bring it Maury. Keep droppin' that mic, well... cuz that's kinda badass and mildly pimp-like. It's hot.


  9. As they say in Al-anon, you only have control over your own actions. Keep the faith. Hope 2013 is a year filled with growth and joy.

  10. I don't know you personally, but everything I've read makes it sound like you are making the right decision for you and your kids. I would say #1 is get that f-ing juvie out of your house, which you did- nice work

    Stay strong

  11. Love and light to you, Klonnie. May 2013 be a better year for you and your family.
    Oh, and screw the asshole who accused you of "going all Maury Povich". Your page, your rules. xoxo

  12. Cheers and love..2013 will be so much better...you are doing great girl. love you.

  13. You're doing it. You are learning how strong you can be. Once a woman learns how strong she really is, there's no stopping her.
    You've got balls lady.

    I admire your courage.

  14. i know how tough it can be to air your troubles. i also know how therapeutic it is. air on sister, air on. the strength (that you sometimes, but far from often, feel)is powerful in you - i sense it, i feel it, i applaud it and pray for it. as alone as you may sometimes feel, know that you have a shitton of us pulling from you as well as for you. personally, i thank you for that...you lend me your strength more often than you know. <3

  15. Absolutely perfectly stated. I have been a long time follower of your page. As a woman new to the blogging world I ALWAYS appreciate when someone I respect 'puts it out there' so to speak. It gives me the courage to do the same. You see I started my page and blog with the intention of it being light and funny~ but in my world things rarely turn out the way I had originally intended. And much of my blog is just real life~ and real life sucks sometimes. And real life is not light and funny nearly as often as I'd like. And making the right decision is almost ALWAYS the hard choice. Thank you for your courage and for being willing to share your life with us. At the risk of sounding condescending~ I'd like to say I am proud of you, nicely done. Love and Light, Ginger

  16. Wow, I had a flashback to my family reading this. My mom was Mr. K, and I was Troubled. I'm so sorry you're going through this shit. Tough love but open arms, hopefully Troubled will 'get it' and come to her senses. It took me years to realize and admit my mom was right, you sound like a strong woman so the lessons you taught her are there somewhere in her mind.
    Namaste Mrs. K, Breath.

  17. I haven't been....reading your blog, I mean. But I will from now on. I'm older than you but no wiser. It seems to me you're doing what you have to do.

    By the way, Al-Anon rocks.

    Peace out!

  18. aw klonnie. wish i could give you a hug. but this will sound trite and ickygooey, but this too shall pass. not easily and not quicky but it will. how do i know? i been thru it my friend. my daughter only started talking to me the last couple of days after about 2 years of not talking to me. now im waiting on my son to hopefully start as well and i cant talk publically about why we dont talk (stalker). while i dont have the problems with grumps, i alienated him to some extent in the past and am working very hard to improve our situation and its improved so much with hard work. im still a nutjob on the downswing, sometimes hanging on with my fingertips but.... we're here for you. dont you ever forget that - you have people who love you out here.

  19. Namaste, to you, my dear. Keep on truckin'. (This made me think - I like the "handles" you have given to your fam as well)

  20. When I read your blog it breaks my heart, makes me laugh and reminds me I am not alone in this crappy situation.
    and to all who are lucky enough not to truly understand because you haven't been here - thank you for trying. It helps except when I want to wallow in it a while...

  21. Same thing kind of happened to me a long while back . With Step Son , when he turned 18 we gave him the choice to clean up his act or leave , he chose to leave and left when we were at work , didn't say goodbye , took everything of his and it looked like he had never been there. I felt sad and I felt like I had failed . He didn't speak to me for almost a year . He is 30 now and is an amazing person (to make a long story short) he always tells me he is sorry for what he put me through and that his life would have been horrible without me . Give it time and hopefully she will grow up and know what you did was for the best !