Saturday, November 26, 2011

Five Hundred Words That Began In Jest

I Want A Dumpster Baby wanted 500 hundred words about her by the time her plane touches down.  She asked for the short essay in joking dismay that some people didn't seem to get the point of her blogging, her niche, her shtick, her back story amazing story true story.  Maybe they did get it, but maybe in their haste to be helpful or droll they forgot, maybe they remembered but were being ironic.  I bet she didn't expect that anyone would write it, but I did.  Maybe others did, as well (but not as well, see what I did there?).  We shall see.

Every day in every way.
I Want A Dumpster Baby and I cyber-met in the summer of 2011.  I'm trying to pinpoint exactly how it went down.  I had started the Klonopin Chronicles page in a burst of manic test-prep-avoidance.  Somehow I saw a blog IWADB had posted about quitting smoking.  I wrote to her because I had quit smoking too and I knew she was going to need a lot of support.  Then it turned out that not only was she quitting smoking, but she was ten years sober and wrote a gut-wrenchingly funny blog.   I knew we had lots in common and lots of things to talk about and a pretty similar outlook on life;  Although she is a fair bit sunnier than I am, we are both lavish with gratitude.  We both have been in the looney bin.  Doubtless on 72-hour holds.  Doubtless buying enthusiastic rounds when we were flush and accepting without shame the proffered drink when we were not.  

And of course she wanted to find a Dumpster Baby.  By now I hope that everyone realizes that the Dumpster Baby is a hyperbole, "which is a rhetorical device and not literal so suck it," as I like to say, so often that I quote myself.  No doubt IWADB would welcome a Dumpster Baby if she found one, but I see now that there more to it than that.  To show what lengths she is willing to go to bring a child in her life.  To quit smoking for God sakes, to appeal to adoption agencies or potential birth mothers, to be as healthy as possible to encourage baby-making in its most basic biologic terms.  I can only surmise.  I’m intuitive like that.

Two things called to me in deciding to write this. One is to promote my gal, whom I love like a sister. even though that might seem scary.  And two is to talk about the dismay you feel as a writer when people don't remember who you are when they read your posts.  They miss the point, they don't get your joke, they want to make it about them in their comments.  Sometimes they want to pick fights or scare you with their disjointed obsessions, almost pitiable if they weren't so terrifying.

She likes owls
Blogging and running interactive Facebook pages is so different from other kinds of writing we do.  Where else do you get to respond to the writer right away, have dialogues, meaningful exchanges?   Where else can you do a sniper assault and slink off into cyberspace, never to be heard from again, until you invent the next persona, or wander off, getting weirder with every day that goes by without your meds?

All I meant to say with all this is that please don't offer IWADB alcohol.  Please don't make your response to my status updates all about you.  Please don't contradict my OPINIONS or criticize the thing I JUST GOT DONE TELLING YOU I LIKED.  Not stabby, no blame or shame.  Just that sometimes I wish I could redirect the conversation back to the original intent.  It helps to make the connection.  It helps to feel the reinforcement that people out there "get us."  

Namaste, you crazy bitches. 

[Ed. note:  the piece came to 800 words, but technically only 500 of them were really about IWADB and the rest tangential musing, so we’ll let it stand.  Plus you should have seen how much TKC cut it down.  It was easily over a thousand words at one point.]


  1. I LOVE your writing. Just love it.

  2. Tom is correct. And you are correct. Well said, lady.

    See, what happened was.

  3. Oh my god. You are beyond amazing. And you get it. Of course you do.

  4. " Where else do you get to respond to the writer right away, have dialogues, meaningful exchanges?" That's the best part of Facebook.

    I saw that you got an excellent grade on your essay assignment. Bravo. For the rest of us, it was an enjoyable read.

  5. awesome as always kc! i dont think iwadb will mind 800 words, i certainly didnt. ^5

  6. So lovely on so many levels...there is so much here and what I so love is that this post is filled with respect, admiration, support and kindness for IWADB. The kindness it takes to truly give a glimpse into another person about what makes them wonderful and shows how they have struggled and overcome. Compassion, empathy and kindness. And all the while also shows the depths of your person, your kindness, which is just so wonderful as well:)

  7. --It helps to make the connection. It helps to feel the reinforcement that people out there "get us." —

    You nailed it right on the head for me. I'm doing this crazy land-o-blog-meets-facebook thang to make meaningful connections. Obviously we are all a testament to how just how crazy life can be. At the same you are showing your soft fuzzy underbelly and in doing so, you are showing a whole lotta love and respect for IWADB.

    This lovely post helps me get to know each of you a little better. I still feel like the new kid during the first week of class at a new school. I'm learning my way around. It's little scary sometimes, but posts like these and our willingness to be vulnerable and tell the truth creates a nest of safety.

    KC... awesome post. You rock.


    The Mess

  8. i love this! thanks for sharing :)

  9. I am really, really glad for the editor's note, since I was struggling to fit the pieces together. Even more than usual. :)

    That aside, seconding all of the above. Love it.

  10. LOVE! I too, understand the lovely Miss Katy's blog and page and writing style and have found myself cringing at some of the things I've seen people post and comment there. You have done her justice, and you are a fantastic writer!

  11. I must say, I got IWADB immediately....I added her soley on facebook because of her name. hehehe then you as well. So much said in so few words.

  12. I love this. That's not about me, it's about you. You're someone who just gets "it" and it was refreshing to read.