Thursday, March 19, 2015

Birthdays Are Overrated and Other Truths of Life as We Know It

I woke up this morning super-early, realized it was my birthday, and immediately burst into tears.  Even though I've been rocking this mood disorder for over thirty years, I'm always surprised by the strength and swiftness of my emotions.  "That escalated quickly," I think.  "What the hell was that all about?"  Well, this morning it's about my birthday.   It's always a day where I'm force to reflect on where I am, how I got here, and (cringes, braces self) where I'm headed.  

And the feels descend.   First comes Anxiety, always the front runner, with Panic moving up on the rail.  Here we go.  Next up, Sadness, digging in against Despair.  This is the year that I will finally be single.  (Oh, did I not mention he finally signed the papers?  I would make an event out of it but I'm STILL NOT DIVORCED because it's still not official till the Judge stamps the front page of the inch-thick Petition, soon to be a major motion picture).  

I closed the door on a major section of my life this past year, really the only one of any significance.  SO FAR.  I mean, right?  I have to keep thinking that the best is yet to come, although the Hallmark Hall of Fame called and they want their cheesy cliche back.  But I HAVE to keep thinking that, or else, you know, visions of cliff-driving and vein-opening and revolver-fellating and all that nasty shit comes to call.  

So here comes a day of tearbursts, reading the fond wishes of my Facebook family, hearing from people I don't know in real life but who know and understand and "get" me better than most people I do, feeling valued, smart, kind, important.  Good shit, mang.   Cue Sally Field.  Again.  




Thank you.  Seriously.  You have no idea.  

Hold up.  Yeah.  You do.



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4 comments:

  1. Karin (Pinwheels and Poppies)March 19, 2015 at 6:46 AM

    Love to you, Mina. Feel all the feels. It's your day, mama. <3

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  2. KrisMarch 20, 2015 at 12:05 AM

    blogs are very good. I write one (no one reads it, I'm sure) that isn't in my FB world because I have to. Or I'll implode, explode, or otherwise make an even larger mess than I am in. Your words are me. Especially this year. I'm honored to add you to my blogs I read.

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  3. UnknownMarch 20, 2015 at 3:53 AM

    Yeah. We do. We so do. {{{Mina}}} <3

    Hallmark notwithstanding (not sure about "best,") there is def plenty more GOOD to come. I only know this because like you I have continued to push through. Exhausting? Yes. Worth it? Let's talk about The Gamer & PreMed... ;) xoxoxo

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  4. Mary TrujilloMarch 20, 2015 at 5:18 AM

    I always do birthday resolutions, and not New Year's ones--this is the perfect day to take stock and look forward to all the awesomeness coming your way. Gotta gird your loins for another trip around the sun, lady...and we will all be with you--reading, laughing, crying, and freaking people the eff out on your By-The-Hammer-of-Thorsday Projects!! xoxoxo

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