Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Today's Rambling: Leap Day!

You guys.  I wrote this back in February, so I could post it on Leap Day (which was somehow very important in my mind but the reason escapes me now).  I took it down because it was mean to my husband but just now I re-read it and it's not THAT mean, at least not as mean as that other post and otherwise it's funny AND I haven't written any thing in a couple of weeks.  SO.  It's going back up.

This is a lame-ass blog post.  I just realized I wanted a blog post on Leap Day.  And I have a little over an hour.  So I’m just gonna spew random shit because I want it to say “posted on February 29” so that I can look back and say--”Whoa.  WTF is up with *that*!”

So.  Snips and snaps and puppy dog tails.  That’s what little Leap Day blog posts are made of.  I can write about:

1.  The time my daughter put granulated Splenda in the sugar bowl and didn’t tell me and of course I put a heaping teaspoon in my coffee and didn’t even notice that it was *bubbling* which is what Splenda does and I took a sip of that mother and threw my cup across the room.  Well, no.  I didn’t throw my cup across the room.  But wouldn’t that have been great?  That’s what a lot of my blog is--stuff that would have been great if it had happened.  Anyway, I woke my daughter up and made her *walk* to Starbucks to get me a latte to make up for it.  And that *did* happen because goddamnit that shit ain’t right.

(Watching the time now because I have to post this in the next half hour.  I have to cut it short because it always takes me extra time to figure out this goddamn Blogger.  I’m not that savvy about web design, which you can probably tell from the looks of this blog, but let’s face it, with writing like mine, the quality comes shining through.)

2.  I’m falling out of love with my husband which is a complete drag because on top of my growing disdain for him is the awfulness of never being able to tell him that he doesn’t turn me on any more because how much would that hurt him?  Tons, that’s how much.  And that’s a run-on sentence.  Followed by a sentence fragment.  The combination of the two cancels out the poor grammar.  It’s like a Hail Mary to atone for poor sentence structure.  I tend to be a real bitch about spelling and grammar.  It’s one of my few (many) flaws and I’m working on it but not very hard.  Some things are just woven into the fabric of your being, you know?

And  . . .
3.  Which is even more contrived than 1. and 2. because the writing teacher always talked about the magic of three.  So, yeah, Davy Jones.  I remember the Monkees so fondly because I was like *5* when that show was on and it was this huge privilege and thrill to be allowed to stay up till 8 pm to watch it.  Because it was a “school night” but for fuck’s sake it was kindergarten so who the hell cares.  I was already running circles around the other kindergarteners.  I wasn't going to let one night a week of late bedtime put a crimp in my awesomeness.   Has anyone else noticed that Davy Jones died at age 66 and the Monkees were formed in 1966?  Right up there with the whole Lincoln-Kennedy “OMG the similarities are so freaky!"  Except for not.  My favorite scene in the Monkees was them pushing that bed around on the street.  I doubled over with laughter every single time I saw it.  I still do.

So it’s time to post this because as I said I have some difficulty navigating Blogger.  Especially because I write in Pages which is this lame-ass version of Word that comes bundled with MacBooks nowadays.  Apple is so done with Microsoft.  They never really got over losing that lawsuit.  I know because I worked on that case.  A story for another time.

Namaste, bitches.  Happy Leap Day.  March comes in like a wildebeest and goes out like a salt marsh harvest mouse.  So suit up because you never know when you’ll have to accept a challenge.  If you think I’m random you might want to consider that maybe you just can’t keep up with me. 


  1. I've decided we were separated at birth.

  2. love it Klonnie! Now this is forever in the vault as a Leap Day post. Your randomness goes quite deep. I keep up as best I can, joyfully. Not joyful about number 2, but identifying and saying it out loud is a big step. much love to you.

  3. Why have I not visited your blog sooner (I already follow on FB)?? Is being in a postpartum depressive apathetic too-lazy-to-read-blog-post phase a decent excuse? Anyways, I'm hoping to be more attentive now that my head is out of my ass. LOVED this post! Random stuff is fun. I like to see where people's minds wander when they let them. Hope you and hubs are ok!

  4. You wrote in an hour what I can't express in a week. Loved it.

  5. I feel confused. I feel like I've read this....but then I would have commented....weird....anyway i totally accepted the throwing of the coffee as a legitimate response to sneaky splenda instead of sugar.

  6. Real writers read my blog and liked it. I can die happy. No sarcastic. Well, maybe a little. Namaste.

  7. I've liked your page for months (I think Facebook suggested it), and I've recently decided I wanted to read through your blog from start to finish. Apropos of nothing, I wanted to tell you that I always loved the scene in the opening of the Monkees where they chase the receding waves at the beach, then run away when they roll back in. We used to do that all the time when I was a kid.